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"Mea irs here aulla omnis"
10 December 2030 @ 09:25 am
This is an Intro post for Eshtar's journal.

About Journal:
This journal consists of Eshtar's rambling, mainly about real life and her fandom.

Eshtar is a:
friendly albeit shy stranger, rabid gamer, animanga lover, naturalist, apatist, novice artist, chocolate and cookies lover, random fangirl, and soon-to-be veterinarian. XD

Eshtar's fandom are:
Bleach, Naruto, Fullmetal Alchemist, One Piece, Claymore, Fairy Tail, RAVE, The Law of Ueki, The Law of Ueki PLUS!, MAR, Soul Eater, Axis Powers Hetalia, Case Closed (Detective Conan), Erementar Gerad, 20th Century Boys, Pluto, Alive -The Final Evolution-, Monster Soul, Kekkaishi, Wild Life, Harlem Beat, Konjiki no Gash Bell (Zatchbell), Alice 19th, Hunter X Hunter, Lucky Star, Persona -Trinity Soul-, Higurashi no Naku Koro Ni, Fate/Stay Night, Midori no Hibi, Gunslinger Girl, Card Captor Sakura, Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles, X -1999-, Code Geass, Mai-HiME, Mai-Otome (manga), iDolM@ster XENOGLOSSIA...

Final Fantasy (I, II, VII, VIII, IX, X, Tactics, have yet to finish XII and played X-2), Suikoden (I, II, V, playing III, IV, and Tactics), Devil May Cry II & III, Fatal Frame (I, II, III), The Last Remnant, Persona 3 & 4, Ar Tonelico I & II, Kingdom Hearts II (playing I and Re:Chains of Memories), Harvest Moon: Back To Nature (PS1), Chrono Cross (PS1), Tales of the Abyss (yet to play Legendia), Odin's Sphere (yet to be finished), Ookami (yet to be finished), Narultimate Accel Hero, Bloody Roar 2 (PS1), .Hack//G.U. Trilogy, Guitar Hero II & III, Nancy Drew detective series, Zoo Tycoon, Stronghold Series, Shogun Total War: Warlord Edition...

She also enjoys random stuff and would happily chat about it. ^^
Current Location: my room~
Current Mood: bouncybouncy
"Mea irs here aulla omnis"
26 January 2015 @ 06:35 am
Artist : SiSH (She is So High)
Composer: U-JI


a little bit more, a little bit more
with sincere words and a little courage
at last to the blue sky we want to go to
our blue sky
quietly, I extend my hand

the sight of you,
fading in the the central line of love

My cheeks
trembling, is my heart turning transparent?

I wonder in what color of the sky
did the great people we admired throw away their weakness?

hey, all the way, firmly like this
though I want to hug you but instead I pile up excuses
"please smile" with the harsh voice
since I can't say it,
at the very least let's be together until the next station

from the window,
the wind fluttered about the train car
Chick Tuck Train

The brown colored seat emphasized
the distance between you and me

the dream I have given up that will never come true,
was it looking at the sky at the deepest part of my heart?

Hey, a little bit more, a little tighter
with a firmer words and a little bit of courage
at last to the blue sky we want to go to
to the sky that seemed to melt
quietly, I extend my hand

Somebody said
within the things that we can do
the most important thing is
to convey

hey, a little bit more, a little bit more
with sincere words and a little bit of courage
at last, to wherever we want to go

... reaching until the blue sky

Hey a little bit more, a little bit more
pressing together this open hand and courage
at last, to the blue sky we want to go
to the sky of you and I, firmly
we hold hands


もうちょっと もうちょっと
そっとね 手を伸ばして

Mou chotto Mou chotto
hontou no kotoba to sukoshi no yuuki de
sarette ikitaina aozora he
kimi to boku no sora he
sotto ne te o nobashite


kimi no sugata
ochiru koi no chuuousen


boku no hoho wa
yuragu kokoro suketeiru?


akogareteita sekai no sugoi hitotachi wa
nani iro no sora ni yowasa sutetandarou

ほら もうずっと そうギュっと

hora mou zutto sou gyutto
dakishimetai kedo iiwake o atsumete
"Waratte, ijiwaruna sono koe de"
ienai kara semete
issho ni tsugi no eki made

Chick Tuck トレイン

mado kara kaze soyogu shanai
Chick Tuck Train


kimi to boku no kyori
shimesu chairo no shiito


akirameteita kanau hazu no nai yume wa
kokoro no mashita de sora wo miagetetano?

ほら もうちっと もうちょっと
そっとね 手を伸ばして

Hora mou chotto mou gyutto
tashikana kotoba to sukoshi no yuuki de
saratte ikitaina aozora he
tokechauyouna sora he
sotto ne te wo nobashite


dareka ga itteta
bokura ni dekiru koto de
ichiban daijina koto wa
tsutaeru koto

ほら もうちょっと もうちょっと

hora mou chotto mou chotto
honto no kotoba to sukoshi no yuuki de
saratte ikitaina doko made mo


… aozora made todoke

ほら もうちょっと もうちょっと

hora mou chotto mou chotto
hiraita kono te wo yuuki wo shibotte
saratte ikitaina aozora he
kimi to boku no sora he
gyutto ne te wo tsunaide
"Mea irs here aulla omnis"
15 January 2015 @ 11:56 am
As a Muslim, this is what I should say about Charlie Hebdo. I am copying this from my facebook statuses (adding and eliminating some parts).

First of all, deepest condolences to all victims and I condemn the murder. It isn't how our Prophet teaches us. Islam is beautiful, and murder is not a part of it. The terror that enveloped Europe is really really regrettable and I wholly against the whole aggression. No one. NO ONE deserves to feel terror. It is human right that every human feels peace. Those terrorist are misled young men calling themselves muslims. do NOT associate them with Islam, please.

Second, I am NOT against freedom of speech. You may express your opinions on my religion and on us Muslims. Be it satire, be it critics, our Prophet also said we should accept someone's opinions and don't see them based on their race/religion/social standing.

Third, I am AGAINST the drawing of our Prophet Muhammad (pbuh).

It is my wish that the world will understand how much of a violation the drawing is. Murder is not right, it never will be. But this drawing isnt right as well, it isnt a mere drawing. I understand most non-muslims doesnt understand the value of that drawing thus they just say "y u so mad? Just a drawing. We even draw Pope and Jesus" but no, we will even condemn fellow muslims if they draw Prophet Mohammad for good messages for example, it should not exist. Even just thinking of it made me cry and I know some are shaking when they saw the drawing on the net and instantly scroll down so that they wont have to see it. We are disturbed, distraught, uncomfortable, and sad. Just looking at it made us felt so full of sin, disturbed, and nauseous, I am sure many just doesnt want to even glance at it for a look. Curiosity to see it doesnt even exist. It doesnt matter what the satire contain, the drawing of the Prophet shall not exist. If Charlie released another, imagine just how much pain we will be in, especially most of us wants to stand for freedom of speech as well, and also condemning the murder, but we cannot, should not, want not to be on the support for the release of that drawing (however the world will view us as supporting extremist and not grieving for the murders while they are actually mutually exclusive thing). This is a violation to our rights to be free of discomfort.
Please, we beg for equality to be understood. Look how many other satire mocking us Muslims and we dont careless, but draw our Prophet and you have a big red line, it isnt humour anynore, not anymore. Please.

They are not only attacking the extremist, they attack the whole muslim society. If we stand with Charlie on what they currently do, we have violated our own religion. We cannot agree to this and it is disturbing how many people oppressed us by saying 'how would you say you are with peace if you wouldn't stand with us?" I thought understanding work both way, this is an oppression, forcing one side to adhere to the value of others while asking them to symbolically shamed their own fundamental value in the process. It isnt that we are against the freedom of speech, we ourselves are expressing that we disagree and disturbed for that particular work. So far our opinions has been swatted aside and instead it seems as if every muslim who do not say Je Suis Charlie are positive to the whole murder, terrorism, and against freedom of speech while it isn't the case at all.

Can't they understand that there is something horribly, horribly, horribly wrong if they get this much reaction even from the most peaceful of us? Please understand, please respect our value.

I am all for freedom of speech, however equal footing should exist for both sides and what we see is how one side has tried all we can to express that no, the line has been crossed, please understand the difference of values we uphold, but have received nothing in our plea (even though we show clearly that we are greatly disturbed by what happen) while one side keep on oppressing.

This is discrimination and truth is, just being allowed to say, "we disagree" is not enough because the existence of that drawing, as long as it exist and deemed as 'acceptable' and supported by the whole society itself, is a severe violation of our rights. We are disturbed, we are uncomfortable with this. This may lead to unrest and in itself is already a beacon of instability. I believe government supposed to prevent such thing and mediate this so as to protect each sides' rights?
Do we have no right to be protected from discomfort and feeling disturbed?

Freedom of speech is supposed to be equal for everyone. But it isnt now. If it means verbal oppression and aggression I can never agree to this act.

Please do understand. Please.

If you can censor words like the N-words and other racists words under the reason of making other people feel marginalized and uncomfortable, why can’t that same principle worked for the drawing of Prophet Muhammad for us, Muslims?

We do not say you cannot express opinion on us, on Islam, we ask you to not draw our Prophet. You can still say your opinion without using the N-words and other offensive words, for example, and it is the same, you can express your opinion on Islam without using an image you call our Prophet.

Just because you think "it is just a drawing", it may not mean the same for us Muslims.

Please do understand and please, stop the double standard.

I should also add that I have given up hope that the west will ever understand. The amount of reactions were discouraging and I have given up hope that respect and equality will ever be born. Truth is, I have never felt this oppressed in my whole lifetime before.
Current Mood: draineddrained
"Mea irs here aulla omnis"
Writeworld Sentence Block: *If I fall behind, keep going*
Original Story - One Shot
Prompt from: http://writeworld.org/

Just a ten minute or so muse after I saw a sentence block in writeworld. Prompts are evil, they distract you from your work because their words are just enticing.

So please stop crying. Stop screaming. Stop being the human you despiseCollapse )

Current Mood: accomplishedaccomplished
"Mea irs here aulla omnis"
24 November 2014 @ 06:56 pm
Revisions to do, things to tidy up in my graduation journal and graduation seminar writings, stuff like that.

Seriously at times I wonder why the heck am I in this division again... but then I remember I said, "because it is the most difficult and comprehensive, it will be better if I chose this division for my final assignment!" Damn the younger me, seriously, because now I am stuck in this really hard topic and I have no idea about the real diagnosis and what should I write. Why was I so naive. Why was I so passionate. And now... Now I don't know what I am gonna do with this, like HELP.

Thankfully, my professor said, "just write that fungi and put the other one you suspected in the differential diagnosis because you have no other choice" and I was like yeaaaaaaaaaaay biggest problem solved, but now revision is on the way so yah.

Dad is getting better. Still have times when his heart hurts but thankfully he took no major damage in his heart. :)) And he is back being the fun, at times overly energetic Dad (he shouldn't be too energetic though...) so yeaaay

Btw Suikoden IV is fun. :3 Going around the world map with your Stronghold is the best thing ever because yaaaay unlimited Rune Spamming.
Current Mood: crappycrappy
Current Music: Fiction Junction - Vanity
"Mea irs here aulla omnis"
09 November 2014 @ 06:16 pm
I am way too preoccupied to write my final assignment. I feel so restless but I cannot find myself focusing.

So here is what happened lately.

My Dad was admitted to the hospital for a heart attack and the whole family now in a rush of this. I am included. I don't know. I want to write but I feel guilty and I can't find anything else to do and I just fidget my way out of reality and let time slip by without me doing anything. I feel SO unproductive but I don't know if I can keep my sanity with me.

Help, I need to finish my final assignment to get it as a draft to my supervisor like TOMORROW and I haven't written shit.

Current Mood: aggravatedaggravated
Current Music: Trading Yesterday - One Day
"Mea irs here aulla omnis"
07 November 2014 @ 12:15 pm
I have always been saying I don't like Naruto that much, I even if I loved, loved deeply, NejiTen and Tenten and Neji <<< lol

I stayed in the fact that I don't think Naruto is THAT good of a series, and one might follow and just fall out of the fandom so quick they don't even care anymore. However, it does create community that actually SUPPORT the main story, a community that helps engaging the reader when the comic itself seem to not have enough power to do it. Fanfics and fanarts, fan works that open up for a field fo discussion and creation, that is the heart of Naruto fandom. The fandom helps fan fall in love with the characters, even if perhaps they have no love for the plot (lol) or perhaps even if the story itself doesn't love the character (lol)

Story wise, it can become redundant, dull, and lack of character development. Too many characters left unelaborated and plot stories forgotten after an apparent foreshadowing. He left a world with a big hole of questions, but then ended it anyway in a rush. Well, given the limited time he has and perhaps other issues we don't know, it is unsurprising. However, compared with many other manga and works, this giant of a series falls pale in comparison in quality and planning. This is spoken from someone who have left the fandom and see it from third eye point of view before finally plunging in again for the sake of nostalgia and a character.

But the community stands. Whether in rage and anger and disappointment or in pure joy and satisfaction, the community stands. The community stands and loves the series. That is the real power of Naruto series, despite all the flaws it has.

Otsukaresamadeshita, Kishimoto, and also the band of community that keep the fans together. Naruto may not have the best story, but it does have one of the most fervent and productive fan community.

I sure do hope Kishimoto ends it as it is and doesn't drag this any longer. A good story is a story that ends, after all.
Current Mood: apatheticapathetic
Current Music: idolM@ster - Colorful Days
"Mea irs here aulla omnis"
02 November 2014 @ 10:33 am

So lately my mother has been saying the same words to me over and over again: “I am sorry.” I went to Japan for a year as an exchange student and all my mother said to me when I was there was, “I am sorry” for not being able to give me “the best” (because the living cost in Japan is really high) and when I finally went back to my home country, my older sister had just given birth to her first baby boy, less than a month old when I arrived. My mother again, said, “I am sorry” for she is now preoccupied with her new grandson. I haven't even had time to tell her what happened in Japan, what I did in Japan etc. We just didn't have the time. I also didn't have my own room because it was used for the baby, most of the time I slept by the sofa as I typed my final assignment. Every time my mother passed the living room, there will be another “Sorry”. A month passed, and she went to my sis's place to take care of the newborn (because my sis needs the help and the husband is working), and again the only thing Mom said to me when she phoned me or briefly went home to take some stuff was, “I am sorry.”

No. No, Mother, I am sorry.

but then if I say sorry, will Mother feel better? All these sorry render me exhausted. I think, on the contrary, we need more “Thank you” than a sorry. Because there is only “giving” in “thank you”, while a “sorry” needs a “return” and I don't think I want to ask anything else from a mother that has given me so much...

There really is nothing more painful than hearing your mother saying sorry to you for being who she is and what she is capable of. At least that makes me want to say sorry for being who I am and what I am capable of, if only I can give more to my mother so that she doesn't need to feel that way.

Every mother is a hero. Our very existence is the testament of it.

Current Mood: uncomfortableuncomfortable
Current Music: Sky's The Limit
"Mea irs here aulla omnis"
My translations of Himawari no Yakusoku from Motohiro Hata (Doraemon Movie: Stand By Me OST) because the one I have seen on the net are quite different with what I understand myself.

Title: ひまわりの約束 (The Sunflower Promise)
Singer: 秦基博 / Hata Motohiro

Explanation: Doraemon Movie: Stand By Me
translated by me, because I found the translations circulating on the net unsatisfactory. also, do express if you find MY translations unsatisfactory :)

どうして君が泣くの まだ僕も泣いていないのに
自分より悲しむから 辛いのかどっちかわからなくなるよ
why are you crying? while I haven’t even cried yet
Since you grieved more than me, I become confused on who’s the one hurting

ガラクタだったはずの今日が 二人なら宝物になる 
Today that’s supposed to be rubbish, if it is the two of us, it will turn to a treasure

傍にいたいよ 君のためにできることが 僕にあるかな
いつも君に ずっと君に 笑っていて欲しくて
I want to be beside you
I wonder if it exists in me, something that I can do for you
I want you to remain smiling always, all the while

ひまわりのような真っ直ぐなその優しさを ぬくもりを全部
The straightforward kindness that’s like a sunflower, the warmth, and everything

From now on, I want to deliver them too
Since I have realized the happiness that exists here

遠くで灯る未来 もしも僕らが離れても
それぞれ歩いてゆく その先にまた出会えると信じて
The future that lit up in the distance
If even if for instance we got separated
Walking on our own path, I believe that beyond it we will be able to meet again

チグハグだったはずの歩幅 一つのように今重なる
the supposedly mismatched footsteps, right now overlapped like one

そばにいること 何気ないこの瞬間も 忘れはしないよ
旅立ちの日 手を振るとき 笑顔でいられるように
the fact that you’re beside me, and also this casual moment, I won’t forget them
at the day of the departure, when we waved our hands, I prayed that you will remain smiling

ひまわりのような真っ直ぐなその優しさを ぬくもりを全部
The straightforward kindness that is like a sunflower, the warmth, and everything

I want to return them all
however since it is you, I guess you will definitely say, “It’s already enough”

傍にいたいよ 君のためにできることが 僕にあるかな
いつも君に ずっと君に 笑っていて欲しくて
I want to be beside you
I wonder if it exists in me, something that I can do for you
I want you to remain smiling always, all the while

ひまわりのような真っ直ぐなその優しさを ぬくもりを全部
The straightforward kindness that is like a sunflower, the warmth, and everything

From now on, I want to deliver them to you too
because I have found the meaning of true happiness

Current Mood: apatheticapathetic
"Mea irs here aulla omnis"
26 October 2014 @ 11:48 pm
Yeah, because I cannot find this one on the net as well
You can find the song here.

GooseHouse - Kono Yubi Tomare (stop this one finger)

Do you remember? This burning passion
supporting each other, we'll be able to help each other
without hesitating, let's stop this one finger

The perfectly clear sky,
That time when we recklessly running,
believing in the future
We advance with all our might but when we come to
it turns out we're just struggling inside the darkness

Since we're young, we get only words like "it can't be helped"
words that won't comfort us at all
Shouldering the scars, we mature into adults

Can you hear it? the voice that's calling you
The dream and hope that we've lost are here
Do you remember? of the burning passion
Supporting each other, we can help each other
Without hesitating, let's stop this one finger

That time when we deceived the fear of losing a friend
by merely saying, "so that's how it is"
I've forgotten
the importance of trully colliding with each other

Do you believe in me? Do not avert your eyes
The love and bond we lost are here
Do you know it? At the time when you first begin walking
You're not alone, we're here
Without hesitating, let's stop this one finger

Yes! During sad times, let's cry together
Yes! During joyful times, let's laugh together
Yes! During hard times, let's talk about it
Yes! Irreplaceable friends...
Let's go together

Can you hear it? the voice that's calling you
The dream and hope that we've lost are here
Do you remember? of the burning passion
Supporting each other, we can help each other
Without hesitating...

Do you believe in me? Do not avert your eyes
The love and bond we lost are here
Do you know it? You've just begun walking
You're not alone, we're here
without hesitating, let's stop this one finger

You are now able to walk alone
If you go alone, you can go even further, right?
If you look back, we're always here
That time, with your own words,
let's stop this one finger