This is an Intro post for Eshtar's journal.
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This is the nth time that I've taken the wrong turn for Wildlife Conservation Society's secretary in Bogor. Anyway, I finally get there, but then it has moved to another part of Bogor, which is kind hard to get with public transport. Ok, I give up. I'll just ask some male friend next time, whatever.
Why am I going there anyway? Well, we'll be having this expedition to Karimun Jawa. It's more of a research actually. We'll taking samples from sharks and turtles to look into their parasites, and also help the reboisation of the mangrove forest in Karimun Jawa. That, then after that I'm planning on FINALLY going to Lampung, to Way Kambas National Park that specializes on their elephant conservation. I'm getting excited!!

.... But first.. What am I going to do with this undelivered proposal? TAT somebody, help me get there!

Posted via m.livejournal.com.

The co-assistants of veterinary degree were taking this sheep near our practical surgery room. We were waiting for our practice time to come and of course, this sheep turns into a famous celebrity in a matter of seconds:

That s a HUGE SCROTUM! XDD we though it was testicle tumor, but it wasn't. This scrotum was filled with pus. They said the sheep just recently got miasis, though I don't know in which part of his body but one thing for sure, that scrotum is huge! I got the chance to touch it, The base is kinda hard but, it felt like this overloaded balloon...

He got operated this afternoon, and we peeked from the window and... man, there was so much pus, it almost filled an entire bottle in that aspirator machine. OAO

Okay, need to go back to my study. Got Pharmacology exam tomorrow. :) Byeeee~

I was reading this article about Sashihara Rino, written in her photobook "Sashiko". Well, this maybe intentional or maybe not, and it's not the article it self that I want to emphasize:

Is Sashihara “very kind” like everyone says?

“I’m not kind. Why would they say so?”

You took the job of taking care of a disabled kid. When the kid spited out his food, you told him “Not good~” and kept cleaning up the food he spited out. During the time of school traveling, there was a kid that nobody invited. Yet you went and invited him. Whenever people had worries, Sashihara would always be by their side. These are some of the stories we heard from people who know you in Oita. We haven’t heard these stories from you yet.

“Those … that’s …”

After saying these, Sashihara looked a bit embarrassed. She then put up a serious face and said …

“I, was just there at the right time. They weren’t such a big deal. I only did what I could’ve done to my abilities. Helping a disabled kid, it’s not like I thought about helping him for life. If there’s a kid who’s being bullied, even if I was around, I wouldn’t go help him. So it’s only hypocritical kindness. I am a hypocrite. Even I know it myself. That’s why I want to at least do whatever nice things I can do to my abilities. Those … are nothing worth of compliment about.”

Somehow I then reminisced about what Chacha said:

"gak ada orang tuh yang 100% baik, gw ga percaya itu tuh ada. Yang penting kan gw lakuin, Gan." semuanya dalam sense kalo paling nggak ada courtesy untuk nanya, walau memberi ketidaknyamanan pada diri sendiri. ("No one is 100% kind, I don't believe that such person exists. The important thing is I did it, Gan." everything in a sense that at least there is some courtesy from her to offer her help, even though asking makes her discomfort)

Aside from the fact that, yes, she is a negative person from the very beginning (XD), I think the word hypocritical kindness pretty much sums up everything about it. Hahahaha

You can't be 100% genuinely kind. Maybe you can, for very few people, but for most, being 100% kind is just not possible. There is ALWAYS that one side of us that's saying "darn it, I like that cake sooo much!!!" when you give your cake to someone or kind of like "argh, this is so troublesome!" when you helped someone lost to get to their destination and thus detouring from your own trip. Is there anyone that actually do not have even an ounce of this feelings? I presume there is NONE.

Is that a sin? Why is it a sin, then, if that is so? For me, I believe it is not.

everyone has his or her own limit, has his or her own capabilities, has their own attachment or obligations to certain things in their life with different degrees. This results in different abilities in sacrificing themselves for others. Perhaps you can only feel sorry and can only look and have no courage to actually help, but I think that does not mean you are unkind. It is not something to be ashamed of either. It is human to feel reluctant on helping someone. It is also human to reluctantly offering your help, I mean, that is human.

just like what Chacha said, "at least I did it, gan" Yes, that is right. at least you did offer. at least you did feel sorry. Whether you are reluctant or that you are scared, it is all human.

That is why, we must work hard to get into higher degree of sincerity, no? The point is that feeling that makes you able to cross that discomfort and reluctance and actually offer to do it!

If it is easy to do good things, then where is the nobility in doing it? :)

This past few days I have been watching a lot of AKB48 stuff, from video to their variety show AKBingo, which is... hmm... how should I say... pretty unusual for me to do. hehe. I mean, all of them are women (GIRLS, actually), so why should I? But anyway, their AKBingo is very entertaining, you don't need to be a fan to actually laughing at the stupid things they do (and say XD). I do say they're rather adorable, honest. Or maybe just because I like cute things. Cute persons draws me too. LOL. Well, maybe only some of cute guys, since I'd rather have the manly type of guys. :)

I'm not a fan of AKB48 but I think in the course of 4 days only, I know a lot about them already and has so many vids of them, people will think I am. Am I? Well, I only like 4 of their songs, I don't even want to hear the others more than half part of the other songs. =3= In fact, I think I only really Beginner and Sakura no Shiori. The others? mmm

I had just recollected on my own family... I just realized I never say anything about them, really in the whole year I have been using this journal... Hmmm...
( Mom, Dad, and My Big Sis XD )
Just feel like it. Hahahaahaha XDDD

Btw, Minegishi Minami as a boy is SO. CUTE!!! And Watanabe Mayu as a boy is just... like an anime character comes to life! Oh, GOD. They're my fav AKB48 members, one because of her cheerful character I could TOTALLY relate to, the other because of sheer cuteness... and also her Otaku self. Hahaha! Nothing is better than an Otaku Idol!
Oh my... XDD Both are just so cute!

HOLIDAY.IS.COMIIIIIINGGGGG.
or at least supposed to be.

Anyway, YAAAAY! I'll be going to Sea World!!! XDD I'll be spending my 'internship' there for a week, it was great for a change in the "long" holiday we're having. Plus, we have this special course in our VetMed dept about laboratory animals; comprises the methods and techniques in handling a lot of different animals. They provides us with rabbits, mice, rats, sheep, chickens, and guinea pigs. XD We just got over the rabbit session and you know what? Poor rabbit :((

I just hope we could be a better veterinarian after this course. Or else, poor Meru the Rabbit (ok, me and my partner named ours Meru. LOL) will have haematoma for nothing OAO.

We will practice with the Sheep and the Chickens tomorrow! XD Can't wait!! I guess we'll waste the syringe again tomorrow (because of the blood clot after we take the blood from the vein plug the needle OAO) but heck.. I just can't wait to be king a good vet!! XDD I'll practice hard!!

Sooo... It's PSP TIME!

Bye, everyone! *off to play Tactics Ogre, which seems really interesting

There is a word in Indonesian called “Galau”. It is a pretty popular word, and I am pretty sure that is exactly what happens to me right now.

I don’t understand why people insist to believe on what they see.

Outside, I am a tomboy, even, I’m more manly than some men. Little did they know that I like cute stuff too—a simple, unimportant pink pig doll could make me melt just like it could to any other girl.

Outside I seemed unbreakable and strong. Little did they know just how breakable I am—I could cry over the simplest gesture of rejection from my best friend and be wounded until years after that.

Outside I seemed ignorant. Little did they know how the way they see me actually matters a lot to me—I am so afraid of being left behind and rejected, I ripped my self off my freedom of expressing myself to make them feel comfortable with me, to make me a lot more predictable to their liking. Thus, they don’t know me.

Outside I seemed heartless. Little did they know how I could cry over a song, be it a sad love song or even national anthem since I am so easily touched.

I am a naive, melancholic, melodramatic girl who is also a hypocrite and a chicken. It is funny how most people around me judge me on how I should have acted, how I should have addressed myself.

They can’t even get past my facade.

They can’t even read through the lines I wrote from my soul.

They can’t even rob themselves off the blindness they inflict upon themselves as they see me.

No, you don’t know me. You can’t judge me. I have many faces, unless you recognized all of them… you’ll never be able to know me. EVER.

Sometimes I don’t even know myself, who are you to tell me who I am?

I am not any stereotype, I am not a mob. I am an individual, judge me as one… Do not judge as the society. If you do, then you never see me.

If you don’t believe what I had said, then you are, INDEED, blind.

So basically, lately, I've been awfully good to myself lately. I didn't go bicycling to campus, eating good food, not stressing myself with university assignments, I even say NO to various committee and just lounge around in my room watching anime... and reading book. I don't spent that much time reading though, only about 3 days... but I finished 3 novels in that timeline. Could have. The last novel get stuck because of blackouts and all. and this is what I read, a HIGHLY RECOMMENDED BOOK:
The ideas is simple, to make the citizen realize that they cannot do anything against the Capitol, from 12 districts a boy and a girl are chosen to go into the Hunger Games: a game in which they will fight to the death. I applaud the writer for keeping up an emotional and really strong character in this book.

Many compare it to Twilight but HELL YEAH, THIS BOOK IS IN A WHOLE DIFFERENT QUALITY THAN TWILIGHT. Honestly, you have to try and read it. :)

Oh, and lately I'm into these following anime:
               Working!                                                                     AnoHana
              

Working! is comedy, I can say that it's adjacent with K-On!! but AnoHana is just a Pure masterpiece. Fully titled as Ano Hi Mita Hana no Namae o Bokutachi wa Mada Shiranai (We still don't know the name of that flower we saw that day), AnoHana is a tear-jerking anime with only 11 episodes. Highly recommended for those who like drama. :)

Heart and Dignity.