Woken up by my nephew's crying again, and I am ready to begin another day in front of my laptop writing final assignment.
Finished reading Claymore. Being someone hopeless when it comes to Oneechan character, this series is just the ultiate killer. Oh gosh, the ending is just so beautiful I just can't even begin TAT. It is like totally all of my liking on one same spot and I just CAN'T. In Japan as well, when I was there, I cannot help but being unnaturally giddy whenever anyone beckoned me gently by saying, "Oide" and I just. well. Yeah. anyway, Claymore is just everything I wished it to be and I am just helpless with it.
I think I want to finish D-Grayman as well. Has it completed already, I wonder? Reading a long and still continuing series is a little troublesome lately.
It is so forgotten yet....
livejournal = nejiten, my highschool year. And I am glad I grow up as a writer from this site. It is so peaceful and unchanging, but look at how versatile it is as a writing blog journal.
Things have changed, and so am I. I grow up to be a paranoid, socially dysfunctional human being now. I am afraid of people, afraid of making faults, afraid of being scold at... yeah, I grow up to be a coward.
I am also afraid of expectation, people's expectation towards me. I can't help it.
But I think I grow up to be thankful of what I got. I have so many things I want to achieve and fulfil, but I also learn to suppress my own desire if need be when I cannot get it. I think I learn not to throw tantrum.
I am in last year now. That said though, I did go to Japan for a year as an exchange student. Veterinary Medicine-wise, I learned nothing. But I got family and friends, people I can trust and count on to with my life, that is something that I wouldn't trade with anything else. I have to try and get back my veterinary prowess from now on too though.
And I am faced with two really hard decision: to be a vet or to take s2 abroad.
However I don't want to think about that now. I just have to focus on finishing my degree for now... I guess.
My sister just had a baby. A healthy baby boy. :)
So what has exactly changed? Perhaps, first, is my university year (oh, duh). I'm in my fourth year, hopefully my last year. It has been a kind of tedious albeit satisfying year that I had passed and I can speak in contentment how I don't regret going to this Vet Med faculty. There are things that I regret, things that I ashamed of doing, things that make me realized just what a coward I am, what a nonsensical human being I can be, and what an air-headed snob I usually am. I don't regret those times, they are the times that slapped me back to earth, shamed me, whipped me, and thus shaped me. I am grateful to my One and Only God, for always watching over me.
I am currently at lost now. Motivation is something hard to find. I mean, forcing yourself to do something won't do you any good but there are times when you just don't want to do a thing and this kind of times is rapidly approaching somehow. I want to just lie down and read instead of doing my report for example and that is bad. Perhaps I need more vacation or perhaps I had too long of a vacation that I can't get my head back to my university.
Whichever it is, I have a job to do and I have to do it.
My sister is going to get married. With all my heart, I am wishing her the best. :)
... ... and I feel like she has been taken. That is natural, I guess... Well... I wonder how my parents feel. This kind of times are what reminds me that we are no longer kids, that there are obligations tying us to lots of things we love and care and value.
Which is also a cue for me to continue with my report. :)
May the Force be with you, my friend. It has been a long while and I hope, I really hope, I do not lose any of my internet friend. Perhaps I do lose some of you? XD ah, my Bad, then... but no matter. As they all said, what has been formed, though it can be broken, there will always be traces remains and even though they were mere rubble, I will embrace them with all my heart. (what is with this poetic ending note?! =_____= saaaaappy).
Why am I going there anyway? Well, we'll be having this expedition to Karimun Jawa. It's more of a research actually. We'll taking samples from sharks and turtles to look into their parasites, and also help the reboisation of the mangrove forest in Karimun Jawa. That, then after that I'm planning on FINALLY going to Lampung, to Way Kambas National Park that specializes on their elephant conservation. I'm getting excited!!
.... But first.. What am I going to do with this undelivered proposal? TAT somebody, help me get there!
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That s a HUGE SCROTUM! XDD we though it was testicle tumor, but it wasn't. This scrotum was filled with pus. They said the sheep just recently got miasis, though I don't know in which part of his body but one thing for sure, that scrotum is huge! I got the chance to touch it, The base is kinda hard but, it felt like this overloaded balloon...
He got operated this afternoon, and we peeked from the window and... man, there was so much pus, it almost filled an entire bottle in that aspirator machine. OAO
Okay, need to go back to my study. Got Pharmacology exam tomorrow. :) Byeeee~
I was reading this article about Sashihara Rino, written in her photobook "Sashiko". Well, this maybe intentional or maybe not, and it's not the article it self that I want to emphasize:
Is Sashihara “very kind” like everyone says?
“I’m not kind. Why would they say so?”
You took the job of taking care of a disabled kid. When the kid spited out his food, you told him “Not good~” and kept cleaning up the food he spited out. During the time of school traveling, there was a kid that nobody invited. Yet you went and invited him. Whenever people had worries, Sashihara would always be by their side. These are some of the stories we heard from people who know you in Oita. We haven’t heard these stories from you yet.
“Those … that’s …”
After saying these, Sashihara looked a bit embarrassed. She then put up a serious face and said …
“I, was just there at the right time. They weren’t such a big deal. I only did what I could’ve done to my abilities. Helping a disabled kid, it’s not like I thought about helping him for life. If there’s a kid who’s being bullied, even if I was around, I wouldn’t go help him. So it’s only hypocritical kindness. I am a hypocrite. Even I know it myself. That’s why I want to at least do whatever nice things I can do to my abilities. Those … are nothing worth of compliment about.”
Somehow I then reminisced about what Chacha said:
"gak ada orang tuh yang 100% baik, gw ga percaya itu tuh ada. Yang penting kan gw lakuin, Gan." semuanya dalam sense kalo paling nggak ada courtesy untuk nanya, walau memberi ketidaknyamanan pada diri sendiri. ("No one is 100% kind, I don't believe that such person exists. The important thing is I did it, Gan." everything in a sense that at least there is some courtesy from her to offer her help, even though asking makes her discomfort)
Aside from the fact that, yes, she is a negative person from the very beginning (XD), I think the word hypocritical kindness pretty much sums up everything about it. Hahahaha
You can't be 100% genuinely kind. Maybe you can, for very few people, but for most, being 100% kind is just not possible. There is ALWAYS that one side of us that's saying "darn it, I like that cake sooo much!!!" when you give your cake to someone or kind of like "argh, this is so troublesome!" when you helped someone lost to get to their destination and thus detouring from your own trip. Is there anyone that actually do not have even an ounce of this feelings? I presume there is NONE.
Is that a sin? Why is it a sin, then, if that is so? For me, I believe it is not.
everyone has his or her own limit, has his or her own capabilities, has their own attachment or obligations to certain things in their life with different degrees. This results in different abilities in sacrificing themselves for others. Perhaps you can only feel sorry and can only look and have no courage to actually help, but I think that does not mean you are unkind. It is not something to be ashamed of either. It is human to feel reluctant on helping someone. It is also human to reluctantly offering your help, I mean, that is human.
just like what Chacha said, "at least I did it, gan" Yes, that is right. at least you did offer. at least you did feel sorry. Whether you are reluctant or that you are scared, it is all human.
That is why, we must work hard to get into higher degree of sincerity, no? The point is that feeling that makes you able to cross that discomfort and reluctance and actually offer to do it!If it is easy to do good things, then where is the nobility in doing it? :)
I'm not a fan of AKB48 but I think in the course of 4 days only, I know a lot about them already and has so many vids of them, people will think I am. Am I? Well, I only like 4 of their songs, I don't even want to hear the others more than half part of the other songs. =3= In fact, I think I only really Beginner and Sakura no Shiori. The others? mmm
I had just recollected on my own family... I just realized I never say anything about them, really in the whole year I have been using this journal... Hmmm...
( Mom, Dad, and My Big Sis XDCollapse )
Just feel like it. Hahahaahaha XDDD
Btw, Minegishi Minami as a boy is SO. CUTE!!! And Watanabe Mayu as a boy is just... like an anime character comes to life! Oh, GOD. They're my fav AKB48 members, one because of her cheerful character I could TOTALLY relate to, the other because of sheer cuteness... and also her Otaku self. Hahaha! Nothing is better than an Otaku Idol!
Oh my... XDD Both are just so cute!
or at least supposed to be.
Anyway, YAAAAY! I'll be going to Sea World!!! XDD I'll be spending my 'internship' there for a week, it was great for a change in the "long" holiday we're having. Plus, we have this special course in our VetMed dept about laboratory animals; comprises the methods and techniques in handling a lot of different animals. They provides us with rabbits, mice, rats, sheep, chickens, and guinea pigs. XD We just got over the rabbit session and you know what? Poor rabbit :((
I just hope we could be a better veterinarian after this course. Or else, poor Meru the Rabbit (ok, me and my partner named ours Meru. LOL) will have haematoma for nothing OAO.
We will practice with the Sheep and the Chickens tomorrow! XD Can't wait!! I guess we'll waste the syringe again tomorrow (because of the blood clot after we take the blood from the vein plug the needle OAO) but heck.. I just can't wait to be
Sooo... It's PSP TIME!
Bye, everyone! *off to play Tactics Ogre, which seems really interesting
I don’t understand why people insist to believe on what they see.
Outside, I am a tomboy, even, I’m more manly than some men. Little did they know that I like cute stuff too—a simple, unimportant pink pig doll could make me melt just like it could to any other girl.
Outside I seemed unbreakable and strong. Little did they know just how breakable I am—I could cry over the simplest gesture of rejection from my best friend and be wounded until years after that.
Outside I seemed ignorant. Little did they know how the way they see me actually matters a lot to me—I am so afraid of being left behind and rejected, I ripped my self off my freedom of expressing myself to make them feel comfortable with me, to make me a lot more predictable to their liking. Thus, they don’t know me.
Outside I seemed heartless. Little did they know how I could cry over a song, be it a sad love song or even national anthem since I am so easily touched.
I am a naive, melancholic, melodramatic girl who is also a hypocrite and a chicken. It is funny how most people around me judge me on how I should have acted, how I should have addressed myself.
They can’t even get past my facade.
They can’t even read through the lines I wrote from my soul.
They can’t even rob themselves off the blindness they inflict upon themselves as they see me.
No, you don’t know me. You can’t judge me. I have many faces, unless you recognized all of them… you’ll never be able to know me. EVER.
Sometimes I don’t even know myself, who are you to tell me who I am?
I am not any stereotype, I am not a mob. I am an individual, judge me as one… Do not judge as the society. If you do, then you never see me.
If you don’t believe what I had said, then you are, INDEED, blind.